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Photo courtesy of http: This post is the first part of a series on my thoughts about relationships based my experiences and knowledge. I recently had a conversation with a friend, and an interesting point came up: Often after a few months, they mistook the dip in their passion, usually due to some quarrels, as the doom of their relationship. Similarly, they deem our relationships are not as long lasting as those in their times because we are less thoughtful of this matter now.
Our grandparents may be right, but there may be other reasons too. One of them is the fact that more and more of us subscribe to the modern myth of true love, whose components can be found in virtually any pop songs. It includes these beliefs:. What fuels this fervent idolization of quang cao bot nem nao myth even more is fate. Which of these explanations satisfies you more: It certainly feels really really good at least at the start right? Now, what makes it feel good?
Psychology has shown that any experience that feels intensely good releases dopamine, a quang cao bot nem nao in our brain. This dopamine reward system is especially important because any drugs that artificially raise it like heroin or cocaine will, as you may have guessed, put you at risk of addiction.
The addicts need more and more drugs to satisfy his need, quang cao bot nem nao can an addict be forever satisfied? So does passionate love Now we understand why love is an addiction. It cannot stay high forever. The drug retains its potency. The downside is of course the uncomfortable feeling of not being immediately satisfied. That one month may seem like forever. It is what we adore in the nostalgic sharing of our grandparents when one of the two passed away.
Jonathan Haidt in his book offers a great metaphor: We are all familiar with the fire metaphor: Figure 1 quang cao bot nem nao be clear by now. In the short span 6 monthspassionate love dominates. The first danger point refers to top of the burning passion curve. As no one can think straight when they are high, decision to marriage here is often most unwise. The second danger point of course refers to the trite anti-climatic moment of waking up one day and realizing that magic of love has worn off.
And Taylor Swift will be out of job. I really know you were quang cao bot nem nao LOL. I think most of the teeny lovey-dovey stuff should end this way.
Future is uncertain though wait for next post hehe. Take a look at figure 2, the best graphical illustration of love that endures. Here is what I subscribe to: True love — what makes strong marriages — is then the strong companionate love, added by some passion, between two people who are firmly committed to each other. That the myth of true love is exactly what it is: Do I have to keep searching for My Right One?
All of my friends do have the potentials to become spouses of each other, as long as we want and then put in effort. Thanks for reading this long post! Please feel free to comment below and share it with your friends who may wanna know more about this myth too.
Follow up post coming soon: The English version can be found below. To begin with, I had a conversation with two of my students they are twins yesterday who will be taking the university entrance exam in 2 months. They even begged me to tell her to let them watch TV sometimes.
Their mom surely has a point. Plus, if their kids are not going to extra lessons they may be slacking off at home. Understandable concern, but somehow still discomforting to me. Plowing through high school away from home taught me one thing about parenting: Here is my equation for growth: Admittedly, sending children to the best classes provides good stimulus: Yet, very often the second part is neglected: I probed the twins quang cao bot nem nao In retrospect these scores make no difference anyway.
Is drilling the college quang cao bot nem nao paper over and over again worth pursuing? I can just give you tons of exam papers which I easily download from Internet, ask you to quang cao bot nem nao and then I will correct quang cao bot nem nao we meet quang cao bot nem nao like any ultra profitable tuition centers, some up to student per class here.
Instead, I taught you where you can find materials online, what books and word lists to learn from and how to perform mock timed exams and learn from the mistaken ones.
But it gives me peace of mind. Admittedly, due to different backgrounds, many students are not much motivated by the save-money-for-parents argument. The real purpose quang cao bot nem nao a tutor is to free his students from himself. At the moment of typing this, I feel like a freaking hypocrite. But we need to feel good about ourselves too by living up to our own purposes. The most effective and also painful way to combat against my hypocrisy is to let others know about it.
I told my other students to ask themselves and their parents honestly whether my tuition is worth their money. I maybe hurt for a while, but at least I will be free from this dilemma.
That makes sense right? But how about pain? That is a fact even. The difference this morning is that I was brushing my teeth. Perhaps I was too lazy or busy? The familiar melody played on, and a very strange thing happened. I still liked it so much. I liked the melody, the voices, the script. I still sang to each word of the lyrics in my head just like I did last year in the exam hall.
What on earth is wrong with the quang cao bot nem nao song? What has transformed love into hate, if it ever happened? I realized how my mind worked: I associated something irrelevant like a song to a decision made by a bunch of people who cared about anything but that song. The latter repulsed me, and so the former was affected. Irrational as it was, it worked pretty well in soothing me. Then, what has transformed hate into love again?
Clarity of mind, which comes from time and adaptation. It needs time, for time dilutes memories and thus allows me more room to think. It needs adaptation, for the more I try to think clearly, the easier it gets. Imagine you just break up with your partner after for some reasons. Regardless of your reaction, you will still have to move quang cao bot nem nao in the face of the unpleasant experience.
Will you throw away all the photos and gifts or delete the favorite songs that the two used to listen together — anything that can remind you of the memories? Will you try to shift the blame away to soothe yourself?
Yet, after the weird realization this morning with the college song, I hope I will remember to remind myself then that some pains and regrets are perfectly okay. We visited our alma mater today. To be honest i never bothered buying this before.
Always made my own. You find yourself amused by the fact that people, including yourself, celebrate birthday. Think of people who were born on 29th Feb. They technically have fewer birthdays, but you suspect they would choose some quang cao bot nem nao days to celebrate to make up for that. You try to trivialize your own birthday for yourself by saying: After all, out of the tiniest chance of all these atoms and quarks combine in a particular way, you came to life.
You even have a name: Naming, just like time, is a human invention to make this wondrously complex world a bit more comprehensible to our mind. You have already inherited that invention from your predecessors.